It has been over a month since graduating from the University of Pittsburgh and I’m still trying to put into words how I feel about the experience. There’s seemingly a lot that happened over those 4 years and indeed in only the last few months that make condensing the entirety of college into one blog post rather difficult. You could sit down and talk with me for hours and I wouldn’t feel like I explained everything to the best of my abilities or in the ways I would have wanted to. Nevertheless, here’s just a taste for anyone remotely interested in my feelings about college before and after graduation.
College
Going to the University of Pittsburgh felt like cutting the brakes of my bike, putting me on it without a helmet, and then pushing me down a very large hill: However much control I felt I had was only an illusion compared to not being able to apply the brakes whenever I wanted to. Yes, I could steer, and the hill wasn’t careening into some pit of snakes or something, but the pressure, the difficulties, and ultimately the pain I felt never subsided, and even the thoughts and memories linger today despite finally getting off the bike.
To put it more simply, I really never liked Pitt all that much. As an institution I struggled, particularly in the latter years, of finding joy in what I was doing for a number of reasons. I’ve written on this blog before of how I’ve faced a few professional and personal struggles that indeed were large setbacks: dear friends who’ve disowned me, jobs that I failed to land, being lied to by various people I looked up to, and ultimately losing the will to simply be alive. At the end of the day, I actively blame no one for these troubles and I fully believe that I’ve learned and grown from every failing. However, the commonality amongst all these facets was always the University of Pittsburgh, and so if there is anything that deserves even a semblance of blame, it’s me for choosing to attend there.
That’s also not to say that there weren’t so many positive aspects that kept me going. For every friend that abandoned me there were 10 more who were there. Every failed opportunity opened a door somewhere else. Even my depression was an opportunity for introspection and re-evaluation of everything I am, and a reaffirmation of my humanity and my ever-present imperfection. In the wake of a few very prominent suicides this week, it’s only another reminder of how important mental health is, and how I’m glad to have taken the time to treat it myself.
Graduation
Still, when graduation was upon me, I also went through a number of reflections trying to put thoughts and feelings to what my Pitt experience meant. I remember being distinctly (and possibly visibly) upset on graduation night, as I realized that I was leaving behind hardly a whiff of a legacy for all my hard work. Awards were given out and people were honored for the grades they got or the scholarships they received, and here I was, a creator of programs and a force against the current of traditional educational paths, and I felt snuffed out like a flame. What did I end up leaving behind? Who would remember my name in 10 years’ time? It’s not an important question for everyone, but I’ve always been obsessed with creating impact and value wherever I am and being recognized and remembered for my contributions.
The “Real World”
Now, I’m in the working world, and honestly it doesn’t feel that much different from 4 years of hard work while at Pitt. I’ve pushed myself to work as hard as I could during college, and that never meant having my summer off. So going back to work a week after graduation isn’t that big of a deal, but now I find myself in the process of finding long-term employment. Will my efforts over 4 years at Pitt pay off? Only time will tell, and it could be the case that momentum needs to build up over time for there to be a worthy pay off.
At the end of the day, no one should take offense for my dissatisfaction with Pitt. My negative experiences could very well have happened anywhere and are in fact a part of life. Writing is only an outlet for me and one where I have always chosen to be as honest and open as I am willing to be.
To summarize, my 4 years of college were certainly not the best of my life. That’s definitely a good thing, as hopefully it can only go up from here as I move on to bigger and better things, without the limitations of being a student or an intern. As for this blog, I’ve neglected it the past few months, but I hope to dedicate more time and energy to writing about the intersection of business and hospitality, reporting on delicious restaurants, and adding even more features to strengthen my brand. I’m still recovering from what the University of Pittsburgh did to me, but I can assure everyone that things are the best they have been in a while. I’m always willing to talk at more length should anyone want to know more, especially since I did not dive at length into any particular experience in this reflection. In addition, never hesitate to reach out should anyone reading ever need anything; that is, after all, what hospitality is all about, and I intend to embody that to the best of my abilities going forward.
Leave a Reply